


Chocolate Glazed

by sariane



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Doughnut Shop, Crack, Gen, Humor, total and utter crack please don't take this seriously AT ALL
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-12
Updated: 2014-05-12
Packaged: 2018-01-24 12:52:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1605860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sariane/pseuds/sariane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If you don't like the heat, stay out of the kitchen.</p>
<p>(A Doughnut Shop AU.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Chocolate Glazed

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sailorcarson](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sailorcarson/gifts).



> Originally posted [on tumblr](http://sarriane.tumblr.com/post/79218737635). 
> 
> Written for my friend Carson because he ticked me off last summer. <3 I will miss his doughnuts. He will never read this fic, which is probably for the best, because this is just ridiculous.
> 
> Disclaimer: There's probably some baking inaccuracies in this. I don't care. 
> 
> Warnings:  
> \- Implied cannibalism (obviously)  
> \- Pretention. everyone on this show is so gd pretentious i'm sorry

_First, I mix the yeast and water, and wait for the yeast to activate._

_This is my design._

_Then, I add the ingredients: flour, sugar, salt, shortening, eggs, and milk. I measure them exactly, then add the secret mix of spices…cinnamon, nutmeg, and a hint of brown sugar._

_This is my design._

_I beat the mixture into a thick dough, knead it for five minutes, and roll it into pastry shapes._

_This is my design._

_I fry the doughnuts until they are golden brown, perfectly and evenly fried, and let them cool on a rack. When they are cool, I ice them with chocolate frosting, and dip them in white sprinkles._

_This is my design._

When Will opened his eyes, Jack and Alana were gaping at him from across the small café table. Jack was smirking a little, smug satisfaction written across his face. Alana seemed less pleased, but amazement shone in her eyes, the same as Jack's.

Will took a deep breath and set the doughnut down on the white plate.

"Still got it," Jack said, patting Will on the shoulder, smiling in earnest now.

"No one _ever_ catches the brown sugar," Alana said with a sigh, brushing her hands off on her apron.

"It's more of a subtler taste; it would be more obvious to a refined palate," Will said. He pulled his glasses off and cleaned them on the hem of his shirt, pretending he couldn't see the look Alana and Jack exchanged.

"No," Alana said to Jack.

"I didn't even--" Jack started, but Will interrupted him.

"Don't act like I don't know what this little 'bet' was all about," Will said, pushing his glasses back onto his nose. "This wasn't a bet on Alana's new recipe. You -- You want me to work at your bakery again," he said, frowning at Jack.

"Will," Jack said placatingly, "I know you said you were done with the food scene, but we _need you_."

"Is teaching at your culinary school not enough?" Will asked, shaking his head. "Who's in your kitchen now? Katz, Price, and -- Zeller? You don't need me. I'm out of touch with the new methods, anyways."

"He's said no," Alana said with a pointed look to Jack.

Jack sighed.

"Let me introduce you to someone I met recently," Jack said.

*

"Will, this is Dr. Hannibal Lecter."

"It is a pleasure to meet you Will," Lecter said, shaking Will's hand. He had a firm grip. "My apologies for the flour," Hannibal said with a strange smile, "I keep this place as clean as I can, but you know what they say. If you don't like the heat…"

"Stay out of the kitchen," Will finished, looking around speculatively. Despite his apologies, the kitchen of the small doughnut shop was nearly spotless, except for the counter and Hannibal's hands. Will felt flour like grit on his palms.

"Will here is an old hat to the pastry game," Jack said with a smile. "But he's been out of it for awhile."

"For good reason," Will muttered, crossing his arms over his chest.

"And what reasons are they?" Hannibal asked, tilting his head forward curiously.

"The critics," Will said, shifting from foot to foot, "didn't like me. Nearly ate me alive."

Lecter smirked.

"Believe me, Mr. Graham, you were probably wasted on them," he said. "They're out for readers, not real ratings."

"That may be," Jack said with a sigh, "but tell Lounds that. She's taken it on herself to nearly end Will's career."

"And you want to bring it back," Hannibal nodded to Jack.

"I was hoping," Jack said, glancing at Will, "that he'd give up teaching for some more practical demonstrations, but he claims to be out of touch with a few things."

"Really," Hannibal said, seeming somewhat amused. Will tensed.

"It hasn't been much of a priority," he said tersely.

"That's why I've asked Dr. Lecter to take you on as an…assistant. To get you back in the game." Jack smiled as he suggested it, as though he was proud of himself for coming up with so great of an idea. Will sighed. It was a _terrible_ idea.

"I would be delighted to have you," Hannibal said.

"I'm sorry to waste your time, Dr. Lecter, but I'm not a very good student," Will said, shaking his head. "Jack," he said, turning to him, "I told you I wasn't interested in your offer."

"Okay, okay," Jack said, holding out his hands with a smug look that told Will that he had something else up his sleeve. "Let's at least catch up, a little, Will, and then we'll be out of your hair, Dr. Lecter."

"It's no problem," Hannibal said. "We can chat over coffee -- I have just the thing."

Will sighed, but he followed Jack out of the kitchen and into the front of _Hannibal's Gourmet Doughnut Shop and Confectionary_. Hannibal lingered in the kitchen while Jack interrogated Will on what he'd been up to lately. Will resisted the urge to tell Jack to forget it and just leave. Jack didn't want to hear about Will's new dog or his fish stories. He hadn't driven Will this far to give up so easily.

Their conversation faded into an awkward silence. Will looked around the shop, taking in the dark walls and hardwood floors. It was lavishly decorated for a small business-bakery, but when Will caught sight of the variety of doughnuts in the display case, it didn’t seem so strange. There were a few staples; glazed, cake, crème, and jelly doughnuts took the bottom racks.

Hannibal’s most interesting pastries were more unique. Cinnamon swirls with blood-red pomegranate frosting, caramel-frosted square doughnuts with bacon bits, mincemeat filled pastries, key lime jellies, goat cheese filling, doughnut holes with sausage baked inside. These were not the tacky glazed-doughnut hamburgers of American fast food restaurants, no. This was exactly what Will expected from a baker like Hannibal Lecter: exotic but gourmet, to the extreme.

Just as Jack looked as though he was about to start on his agenda again, Lecter emerged from the kitchen. He was carrying a tray with a few doughnuts and cups of espresso for Will, Jack, and himself.

"Wow," Jack said, smiling as he looked at the doughnuts. "This looks…interesting," he said, then laughed. "A good interesting, don't worry."

"I never do," Hannibal replied. "Cinnamon-maple swirls, with bacon bits," he provided as he untied his apron and hung it on a hook beside the counter. "It's a new recipe I've been trying."

Will wasn't overly fond of the newly-minted bacon craze (bacon _chapstick_? _really?_ ), but he took a doughnut for himself anyways and dug in.

Will froze.

"Wow," he said, swallowing. "This is…frankly amazing, Dr. Lecter."

Jack looked like he was about to have a coronary.

"Thank you," Hannibal said with a tiny smile the disappeared as soon as it disappeared.

"That's… _cayenne pepper_?" Will said, a little surprised.

"Yes," Hannibal nodded. "I find it brings out the taste of the bacon."

"The cinnamon isn't too overpowering, either," Will said, looking down at the doughnut. "And that's a strong, smooth vanilla. I must say, the quality of your ingredients is…" Will trailed off to take another bite of the doughnut.

"I buy only the highest quality ingredients," Hannibal explained, "and I make everything myself if possible. And as for the meats, I use an ethical butcher, and select every specimen myself."

Will took a long drink of his coffee and ignored the grin Jack was failing to bite back at Will's apparent interest.

"Tell me, Dr. Lecter," Will asked, "what's a doctor like you doing making doughnuts like _this_?"

"Every man must have his hobbies," Hannibal replied. "My offer is still open, of course. I'll be willing to help you, as Jack said, 'get back in the game.' Provided you don't take my recipes with you when you leave," he warned. "Jack may be too far away to be proper competition, but I have some _very_ picky clientele."

"I'd imagine," Will said, glancing around at the tastefully decorated doughnut shop.

"Well?" Jack said, barely giving Will a moment to think.

"Alright," Will said slowly. "Perhaps I _do_ have something to learn from you, Dr. Lecter." Hannibal smiled in delight.

"There is always more to learn," Hannibal said.

"Quite," Will said, finishing off his doughnut. "Now, tell me," he said, frowning, "is this… _turkey_ bacon?"

 Something flickered across Hannibal's face for a moment.

"You noticed," Hannibal said, the corners of his mouth twitching, "a specialty. He was particularly aflutter."

_The End._

**Author's Note:**

> Bibliography:   
> \- Wikihow: How To Make A Doughnut (http://www.wikihow.com/Make-a-Doughnut)


End file.
